you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
