Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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