He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
