Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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