I'm eating all of the evidence.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
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