We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
