There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize