I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
