and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
