I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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