dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
