Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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