Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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