i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize