I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
