Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
