Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
