I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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