Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
