You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
