Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
