You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
