btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
