Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize