the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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