He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
