i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
