Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
