"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
