brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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