Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
