Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
