he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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