Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
