He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
