I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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