apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
