I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
