wanna go halves on a baby?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
These tits shall not be calmed
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
