how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize