You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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