my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
