i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
