im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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