How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize