I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
