Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
