Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is Oprah even human
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
