It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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