This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
