in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
