That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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