Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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