Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize