Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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