nut hugger
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
