Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize
