So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
