I feel like I'm in dance class right now
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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