I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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