he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize