Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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