I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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