everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize