I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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