WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
