so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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