3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
