don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
