When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
