we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
