Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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