I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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