I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
