I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
