But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
